Lap 7: People Movers

People Movers

When younger my friends and I had an agreement, when we got married and had kids, we would never buy a people mover. If any one of us did, we would promptly hold an intervention to aggressively, yet necessarily, realign that person’s life choices. We felt it was impossible to look cool and feel good about one's self in a van. Sorry to anyone that owns a people mover. And I know if you have a lot of kids their utility is essential to making life easier. It’s just that their appearance and driving dynamics embody the antitheses of driving.

Before continuing I have one caveat, I have never driven a people mover. I have ridden in countess versions as a child. I have driven 12 and 25-seater buses as well as vans, so they are pretty much the same. Aren’t they? Having started this ongoing feature, ‘the best cars of each body type’, I’m now resigned to finish it.

Honda Odessey 2018

Like all people movers this one doesn’t look great. Top heavy, tall design with little visual excitement. However inside is pure luxury. Acres of space, arm-rests, sunblinds, plush headrests, three climate zooms and everyone gets an air vent. The fit and finish are typical Honda, consistent, and comfortable but maybe a little drab. You can even get Vtec so one can pretend it has the soul of a sports car. Don’t forget to ask everyone to lean forward when going uphill, fully loaded the engine does labour.

Volkswagen Kombi Van 1950

I went with the first year the Kombi become a people mover. Whilst not a fan of the van, I’ve always thought the Kmobi aged particularly well, perhaps it's the combination of an iconic shape, chrome highlights and two-tone paintwork. As it is easily repaired by almost anyone, the inherent unreliability is rendered almost, almost moot. The Kombi was completely gutless, and not technologically advanced, but it is a vehicle that has managed to appeal to every generation since its inception, with appeal in most car genres.

SsangYong Stavic 2003

OK so I may have lost my mind or surrendered any credibility I may have had for my automotive writing. I picked this solely based on its looks. It is possibly the ugliest car ever built, a combination of ungainly lines, disjointed design language and the strangest rear end ever installed on a car. It did offer value for money, credible safety features, and a robust 4WD option. SsangYong even offered a ‘Sport’ version with a straight face. SsangYong you do you!

Mitsubishi L300 4X4 1993

High centre of gravity, top-heavy vehicle, why not add lift and go four-wheel driving? Based on a modified Pajero chassis, they were pretty dependable and capable off-road, with plenty of room to take the family camping. The robust diesel engine has meant these cars have become a sought-after affordable entry point into overlanding and ‘van life’. I rode in one as a passenger in the back, and it didn’t feel particularly stable but was very comfortable.

Toyota Tarago 2019

During the 80s and 90s the Tarago was Australia’s favourite way to meekly disappear into the night and surrender one's self-respect to the van. They were everywhere when I was a kid, every second friend had one. In 2019 the Tarago did come with the bullet-proof Toyota V6, with loads of space and comfort without becoming bloated and unruly to drive. The Tarago could easily manage long trips, loaded with people and luggage and complete overtaking maneuvers.

OK, that’s it, I’m out. A combination of hating and therefore avoiding people movers my whole driving life has left me with little impetus to write constructively about these heinous contraptions. My love of cars, their driving dynamics, design, engineering and development over time means I cannot succumb to acknowledging the people mover as anything less than the embodiment of utilitarianism in transport. From this point of view, they are important and valid. Nonetheless I can’t think of three more people movers that we received in Australia. I know there was the Mercedes AMG R63, a V8 no less but only one came to Australia as a dealer demonstrator. There were also countless limousine standard Japanese options that came here as grey imports. The new Kia Carnival has received positive reviews, however, it is now classified, according to Kia, as a wagon, perhaps to garner greater market appeal.

So people movers serve a purpose, a purpose I’d sooner avoid or buy a ute or hire a trailer to solve. I apologise to everyone that owns or has owed one. To those that dress them up with skirts, spoilers and other bits . . . to each their own.